dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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