I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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