AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
