Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
