My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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