Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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