can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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