My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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