The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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