Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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