apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
