Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
