Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
