I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
