we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
