my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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