Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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