I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
