whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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