so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize