That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
