end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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