they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
