we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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