apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
