Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
