Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
