everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
