She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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