My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize