Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm too high and old for this...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize