i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
