so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
