I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
