I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
