ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
