Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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