The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
