First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
