We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
