The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
