if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
