i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
