New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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