it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
