theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
