I'm jealous of your bromance
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
