My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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