she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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