She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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