I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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