my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my being single is dangerous.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize