His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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