..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
