ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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