i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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