Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
