your parents love me but you hate me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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