my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
