I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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