1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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