guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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