I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
